You can put all your efforts into a job, a relationship, or an activity, really DO YOUR BEST, perform well, but nonetheless never be sure of the outcome.
And maybe you already have it all but still chase results with a sense that you need them to be happy… I know this was the case for me.
Applying effort to assure a wanted outcome of your actions might serve you at times but it’s very likely that in the long run, it will cost you more than what it will give you, leading to exhaustion, anxiety, and lack of internal joy and peace of mind.
When I first heard this saying that one is never entitled to the fruits of one's actions, a part of me had a slight sense of panic for I understood that I had been imagining that I had way more control of the outcomes of my actions than I had in reality. I didn’t want this to be true.
What happened next is that I discovered the many things I was doing to control the outcome; things I did because I wanted something out of it or because I wanted to avoid something else. I did these things because I wanted them to make me FEEL a certain way.
Realizing what was driving my actions made me a bit shocked (!) Although the experience was unpleasant, it was also an important wake-up call.
"Although the experience was unpleasant, it was also an important wakeup call"
When it comes to the factors influencing the outcome of any given situation, they are so many involved that you couldn’t possibly even be aware of them all. Yet, a great portion of our actions is focused on exerting this control to assure that we get what we want. Why do we do that? We think we need them to be happy...
This type of behavior is connected to our reptile brain that wants to keep us alive, it’s a form of conditioning, and not all “bad”. We behave this way for it’s what we’ve been taught and parts of it are ingrained in our DNA.
To add to this, cultural norms also encourage us to focus on the outcome of what we’re doing, focusing on “winning” and gaining status. As if we're not "allowed" to be happy or at peace until we have "earned it" by achieving our goals, most of this working on a very unconscious level.
If you consider the quote above that we are not entitled to the fruits of our actions, it becomes obvious that this approach of needing a certain outcome to be happy, is quite insane and that it also sets us up for suffering… Nonetheless, it is so easy to buy into this way of being, and if you currently find yourself having bought into it, well, you're human.
What if you could free yourself of this approach and choose another way?
"What if you didn’t need the guaranteed outcome to be happy?"
What if there was a way to become happy and do the things you enjoyed without relying on these external things to give you happiness? Sounds so simple and maybe it is for some, but for most people this is tricky business because of our conditioning.
How do we do that? There are two parts to this: 1. The first part is choosing an inner attitude of peace and contentment for no other reason than for the sake of it. Regardless of outer circumstances. 2. The other part is stripping away the conditioning that’s blocking your natural guidance system; i.e. blocking your authentic self. HOW specifically we integrate and apply these two steps is unique to the individual. That's why, although I provide a structured underlying approach, my program first and foremost always is custom-made to suit the individual's unique personality, needs, and situation. See more about the structure of the program below.
Today I find this quote incredibly liberating.
If I can’t control the outcome of my actions, that means I can allow myself to let go of stressing about the outcomes altogether. Instead, that energy is allowed to flow toward the right action in the present moment. (That doesn't mean that setting and working towards goals isn't implemented because it's very much a part of HOW things are done.)
What this is, is an inner attitude of non-attachment and focus on where one's power is. In this context, “right action”, means aligning one’s actions to what intuitively “feels like the right thing to do”. This is not aligning one’s actions with the comfortable, nor shutting down your logical thinking, that’s something completely different. Instead, it is doing the things that resonate and are in alignment with your integrity, your core self. Others might call it "being led by intuition" or "taking enlightened action”. If you’re curious to understand more about what I mean by leading with authenticity, please see my previous post named: “What does it mean to lead with authenticity?”
Leading with authenticity, we naturally come to focus on the joy of doing the right thing. Therefore, the need to achieve happiness through results, achievements, or anything external dramatically decreases…
What would be different for you if you would be able to lead this way, in all areas of your life?
I am very passionate about helping open-minded individuals tap into their innate clarity and courage and develop their authentic leadership. That’s why I created my 1:1 program "Authentic Self-Leadership".
This program is taken over the period of 4 months and will help you find, express, and embody your authenticity by specifically:
Building self-awareness through mapping your judgments & current paradigm
Increasing your EQ by understanding and managing your emotions
Becoming clear on what rules you want to live by & implement (like defining and upholding your internal and external boundaries.)
Identifying your strengths, and unique perspective & sharing those with the world
Setting up consistent habits that leads to authentic leadership in action!
Remember, what you can control is what actions you choose to engage in, and what better actions to engage in than the ones that deeply resonate with you?
If you’re curious about what it would mean for you to develop your authentic self-leadership; I’d love to connect and discuss more! Please send me a DM and I’ll send you more information.
Sara Dewèrn, founder of Dewolut AB email@example.com +46(0)72-1417720