In action films, it’s often shown how, if one cuts the right cord in an explosive device, the whole thing is defused.
Humans are the ones who construct these devices.
What if there was a similar way of “defusing” the conflict that causes the person to want to construct the devices, to begin with?
The most powerful defusing mechanism to use with people is called VALIDATION.
When we validate another for their feelings, and HONESTLY do so, without any judgment or conceptualization of our own, their negative emotions will decrease and the person will be able to let go.
Sometimes it’s a smaller reaction, at other times it’s as noticeable as if cutting the cord of an explosive bomb.
When you’re in the company of another who has any form of negative emotions, whether it is sadness, shame, anger, or frustration, use this process:
1. Become fully present with the other person.
2. Disentangle yourself from your own inner dialogue and LISTEN to the other person.
3. Ask yourself; what are they feeling and why?
4. Validate them. It can look like this:
“Given that you experienced X, it makes sense that you are feeling Y.”
5. Observe their reaction and repeat if necessary. This is what helps the other to let go of the negativity and move on.
Depending on several reasons, it might be more or less easy for the other person to let go, but validating another is always helpful.
All outer conflicts started as inner conflicts.
We prevent inner conflicts from developing into inner wars and inner wars from developing into outer conflicts by cutting the cord. Validation is a powerful tool to do this as it allows the person to LET GO. This is how we prevent or stop wars.
We can help each other to create the type of environment and living conditions we want by defusing each other’s inner explosive material.
Please note! It is very likely that if you hold any type of judgment towards the other, they will notice and the validation won’t be successful. It’s not to be used for manipulation, it has to be sincere.
For you to master this process, you must first become aware of and disidentify with your own judgments. Working on yourself this way benefits everyone. Book a 45-min chemistry call to find out how we can work with eachother. Love Sara